I am learning very quickly about the smaller intricacies of designing one’s own website, but my patience is yet to wear thin and the throwing of objects has yet to start. There are large chunks of code to cut and paste to bring the various pages into line, and, after a good hour and a bit yesterday, and maybe the same today and tomorrow, I should be ready to upload the redesign early in the new year.
I finally bit the bullet yesterday as far as my post-building house is concerned and cleared the last packs of flooring, plus leftover blinds, tins of paint and so on, and shoved them under the metaphorical carpet until they are needed once again, which will probably be over the summer, cashflow permitting. It is good to be able to see patches of floor again in certain areas, rendering them usable once more.
To cut a long story short, my compositional work yesterday was spent on the website, investing time and effort for the future, and, once more, no notes were put onto paper. I need to drive myself a little harder and make sure that I get at least half an hour done every day. It is hardly a great amount of time, but it is enough to keep the cogs moving in my mind and to make sure that pieces get written rather than stagnate. Work on the website is still work, of course, but there needs to be some transfer of pencil lead each day lest I fall into the trap of making excuses. This is something I feel I am close to doing, the making of excuses, that is.
Today will be a good test of that resolution, for there are a number of other items to get out of the way, including the work on the website. Despite the fact that they will not arrive for many a month, those three kings of the Orient are still at the top of my list, and a fair push would see it completed in its first version before 2011 is out, after which there are a couple of nearly-confirmed commissions to deal with, should they become concrete. If I still have to wait a little on these I think I will go back to the sketches for a viola concerto and keep chiselling away on those.
Although I have a wedding to play for later on this week, my diary is relatively clear for a few days into 2012, allowing me the opportunity to haul myself back into some kind of routine. After four months of survival as a composer I have learned a significant amount about the way I work and what it takes to put me into the correct mood for intellectual application. In so many endeavours we try to fix the endeavour itself, when the real issue is our own motivations and desires, things we normally deny. There are games, for example, which rely on one player making a mistake – chess comes to mind – but we all like to imagine ourselves as mistake-free beings. Once we admit that impatience, procrastination or whatever else come into play we can focus our efforts much more keenly, I feel.
Composition, like housework, is something which makes one feel better when it is done, but getting started on it can be the most tricky hurdle. I am trying to get into a mentality of doing things immediately I realise they need to be done, as I know that the demands of emails and various other things make me want to switch off as soon as I have dealt with them. My rewards need to be better earned, and the increased productivity I will see from that will no doubt lead to further rewards down the line. Today will be a good test of that resolution.